


These issues, they choke my like a noose

by Anonymous



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Thoughts, Crying, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide Realization?, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, angst without plot?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27312457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jun and his thoughts are together for one night before to sleep forever.
Kudos: 14
Collections: Anonymous





	These issues, they choke my like a noose

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! ok, ok! i have this idea about Jun dealing with bad thoughts since june? i guess? the comic from AAside lifestyle where Kanata tell him ’But i find people who aren’t working at your age scarier’ and later Jun cooped in his room for 3 days, perfect for this, oh, and the Fantome Drama from the live it's was enough to confirm it for me, hue, that's too much if you think... being a NEET is really hard, you know? 
> 
> The title is based in a part of the lyrics ''Issues'' by Escape the fate and some part of the fic i used the lyrics from the song ''1940'' by The Submarines (i heavy recommend the AmpLive Remix for this one!) Can you find them? 
> 
> Both of them get me the inspiration and strength of will to finish this! (like...7am from where i live, fuee)
> 
> Before you start reading i want to clarify, i love Jun, he's my favorite character, if you think i hate him because i wrote this, you're pretty wrong.
> 
> Enjoy.

Every day, every night, every time he woke up, he feels like shit.

His mind always reminds him. _''You are a useless piece of parasite in the society, can you stop being like that and change for good?''_

Those gross and stupids words are still inside on his mind. _''28 years old and without a work? How pathetic''_. _People say, probably not too open about it, but with their faces, tells everything about you._

_Living playing video games is not enough, you already know, someday you gonna need a real work, for at least live with the enough and be a functional adult._

_You are a disappointment for your parents._

_You went to college and this is the life that you get?_

_And your social skills are still shit, you can’t even fight back, miserable._

_You health? Weak like you_

_Your appearance probably is the ugliest, that’s why you hide it with your hair, or perhaps_ _you are that horrible._

_Aah right~, your hedgie friend don't gonna last forever, remember? They have a short life span, god, you can't even choice a pet right, incredible!_

_When they ask about if you work, you only reply with silence or broken words  
You don’t even have idea what the fuck do._

_Am i idiot maybe?_

_I can think well?_

_I swear I do, leave me alone._

_Even if you say it with good intentions._

_It hurts, because I try._

_You don't know what's going on in my head._

_"We all make mistakes" since we are children they tell us that._

_But it reaches a point that is not valid anymore._

_I make mistakes, I try to fix them and it looks worse than before._

_Do I really serve for this?_

_Don’t worry._

_I hate myself too._

_Every stupid new mistake._

_Makes it grow even more._

_Leave me alone._

_I am not in their level._

_The more pressure, the worse._

_Maybe it’s my fault for being in the place where i am on first place, it isn’t?_

_More and more they repeat something of you, something so common that you do since you’re a child, you come to hate you and apologize for being like that._

_Just…i don´t know._

_I try to see the positive things._

_But every mistake is a clove._

_Every redo, a stab wound._

_I don't know what the others want, they are never satisfied._

_What do they want from me? What do they expect from me?_

_Nothing is enough._

_You are not enough_

_You can't do anything right_

_You ruin everything you touch or try to do._

_Who can respect you in first place?_

_Yeah, there a person, he call you ‘’Master’’, but he’s just an admirator, he’s only interesed for your gaming skills, nothing more about you, phatetic, don’t you think…?_

‘’W-why is he admire me? Don’t do it please, p-please i beg you, i’m nothing to admire’’. Said with a low rough voice.

_A work, a real work, but you are so scared to get a new one, because you know you going to fucked it too badly like the last time_.

_You like to say a lot to you friend who is working in a "black company" but at least he have a job, unlike you_

_At least he is more advanced and a respected member for the society unlike you_

_He can have a future unlike you._

_You are fucking joke._

_A fucking joke for the rest of the band and their rivals.  
  
_

_Come on! Even people younger than you said it! ‘’But i find people who aren’t working at your age scarier’’. ‘’_ _They even have a NEET-well,no . A pro gamer amongst them, right? No matter how you look at it, that’s cause for concern…’’._

_That kept you up in bed last_

_A joke for the rest of working adults at your age._

_You are fucking adult, grow up and stop being a baby._

_Deal with the world.  
  
_

_The Live Royal Fest? Win a big and important festival and have a good life thanks to music?_

_My friend, they told you ‘’Jun! Let’s rise, and shine, it’s the best time to be alive, to stay awake a while, and smile for this new future’’_

_But that’s a big lie and you believe it._

_You can’t keep this live forever, you gonna be the first and faster one in fall from all lot them._

_The band is the thing that keep you alive, aside videogames, of course. Everybody love ZACK, but what about you? Just smile, pretend and shine with you alter ego.They can't even mention who, how and what do the real Jun, too shameful…_

_You are a nuisance for their dreams, they only keep a cute smile with you to get what they want, they are nothing and they gonna forget you at the end, am i right?_

_Something's wrong when you regret_ _things that haven't happened yet, how bad…_

_Don’t care how much you cry, nothing is going to change when you are so useless and keep breathing, taking the space of people who deserve it._

With those words, tears start to fall on his cheeks, his voice is broken and repeats.

  
"I'm sorry, i’m sorry,i’m sorry I'm-m sorry, i’m sorry,i-i’m sorry, I'm sorry, i’m s-sorry,i’m sorry, i’m sorry".

"I'm sorry for my existence, I'm sorry everyone, I'm sorry for being an embarrassment for all you".

"Who can respect me?"

"Who can admire me?"

"Who can love me?"

‘’T-that’s imposible, nobody can’t do that, i don’t deserve all the things and love I receive, a-all lof this, was just luck, only luck! they just need to bear me all the time and every mistake of my existence’’.

He’s too tired, time to rest, he covered himself with his sheets, but before to close his eyes and sleep forever, he thought.

_Why I'm even alive on first place...?_

_Stop breathing…sound fine_

_Just end me._

_I don't see a future._

_I don’t see a work._

_I don’t see money._

_I don’t see Independence._

_I just see darkness_

_I don't see myself getting past 30…_

_I just have to get this shit out of my head._

_What day will be tomorrow?_

_Probably…_

_…The last one._


End file.
